Obama Weighs Tax on Banks to Cut Deficit
Wall Street’s public relations are a train wreck. I have no prior experience in corporate communications. But here’s my action plan to clean up the mess:
- CEOs, fire your PR people. They suck.
- Shut up, Lloyd, about doing “God’s work.” Nobody buys it, not even the religious right. And now you’ve tainted everything Goldman says or does. Distance yourself from…well…yourself.
- That goes for you, too, Jamie. Enough with the threats to leave London. You’ll end up running JP Morgan out of Antarctica. No taxes, but the winters are a bugger.
- Pay attention to Mark McGwire this week. Apologize for juicing on leverage and sending global capital markets into cardiac arrest during 2008.
- Divide your bonus pool into five buckets, and pay down corporate debt with one of them. Hey, it’s what I do with cash.
- Dividend the second bucket to your shareholders. Don’t they deserve a little love?
- Fund small business loans with the third, and do your part for the economy. Right now, it looks like you’re doing the economy for your part.
- Invest the fourth in education. The last I looked, 20 percent of Goldman’s bonus pool would fund all of South Carolina’s public schools, K-12, for six months.
- Okay, okay. You can pay bankers with the last bucket. Otherwise, they might take those fat job offers from Dubai.
- Remind Barney Frank about the shortfalls of too much intervention. Wasn’t it KfW Bankengruppe—owned by the German government—that wired €300 million into Lehman’s black hole the day it declared bankruptcy? You can’t say, “Oops,” when you’re running the show, Barn.
NYT article on Wall Street apologies or lack thereof: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/13/business/13blame.html?ref=business.
obviously the industry cannot self-regulate itself. what to do? This is as good as I’ve seen lately.
Thanks, Patte.
The lack of self-regulation and self-control carries a cost: $120 billion. Personally, I think many finance CEOs under-estimated the public furor and acted in a short-sighted manner. Now, there’s a potential levy not to mention what other regulations that may take shape around the corner.