(By a Leading Hedge Fund in Greenwich, CT)
Times are tough. So to help out, I’m running the following job description submitted by a headhunter from Manhattan. This is an unpaid advertisement, which I’m featuring as a service to my readers.
Job Ref. MN 4623
Our client is a leading US hedge fund with a sterling track record of 20 percent plus returns over a ten-year period.
Total assets exceed $2 billion.
The hedge fund now seeks Managing Directors to spearhead investor returns to the next level.
CHIEF INSIDER OFFICER
The job is to ensure our client has access to material, non-public information in public companies. The hedge fund trades high-technology companies.
Management constantly seizes opportunities to improve portfolio performance.
Full Disclosure: All the risks attached to our client’s activities—turning key executives at leading American businesses—are subject to federal wiretaps.
PERSONAL PROFILE
A Masters in Business Administration/Banking and Finance or an equivalent preferred.
Special consideration given to McKinsey consultants working in positions of trust with a deep base of clients.
The successful applicant will be a self-starter and demonstrate willingness to pass confidential information to the fund’s CEO and/or traders.
For more information on the profile we seek, see, “Anil, you are a hero.”
COMPENSATION
$500,000 annually with no need to leave your current job. Our client, in fact, prefers that you work a double shift.
Big bonuses for lights-out performance.
Ability to invest with our client, whose ten-year track record exceeds 20 percent per annum.
Medical benefits negotiable
To express interest, please post the phone number of a disposable cell phone on Craigslist in the New York City personals section labeled, “missed connections.”
Manlypower Services Ltd
Executive Selections Division
The New York Times describes my novels as “money porn,” “a red-hot franchise,” and “glittery thrillers about fiscal malfeasance.” Through fiction I explore the dark side of money and the motivations of those who have it, want more, and will steamroll anybody who gets in their way.