Worst Helicopter Parent
Note to the parent in this story: If you find this blog, I recommend you abandon your legal practice, travel to Hollywood, and write the threats that inevitably find their way into action movies. You, sir, are a real talent. But, dude, you said these things to a...
The Worst Helicopter Parent of All Time
Note to the parent in this story: If you find this blog, I recommend you abandon your legal practice, travel to Hollywood, and write the threats that inevitably find their way into action movies. You, sir, are a real talent. But, dude, you said these things to a...
The Worst College Reunion Ever
“You smell like grass.” A few weeks earlier, we had finished The Sound and the Fury at school. I thought it was a clever thing to say. “It’s the grass that smells like grass. You’ll still don’t understand the passage.” Katie rolled over and tugged at my zipper, and I...
Bad Booger Man
Barking and spraying drool everywhere. Teeth like tusks. Remember, Murphy’s about one-seventy but looks twice as heavy with all the hair. Miss West Coast jumps up on the toilet seat, dancing around in the altogether. Eliot is yelling in the shower. And I’m standing there with red-eye stockings in my hand.”
Bad Booger Man
I love anecdotes. Notice how I didn’t say “short stories?” I’m talking about vignettes less than 1,000 words. There’s something delicious about the slices of everyday life you’re more likely to hear from a friend over drinks than from an author in a 350-page thriller....
The Pell Heist
An excerpt from The Pell Heist, my book in progress. Memories of the Channing heist had faded. There were few clues. No trace of the paintings. No insurance and no contact from the thieves. Three weeks after the robbery, the Rhode Island police found the body of a...
The Great Date Night Fiasco
Daughter: “I got it.” Wife: “Let it ring.” Son: “No, dad. Please, don’t.” We were eating dinner at the kitchen table—targets of opportunity. At the time, we were averaging three to four telemarketing calls per night. My family knows I’m a sucker for a good sales...
The Great Date Night Fiasco
My family knows I'm a sucker for a good sales pitch. It's been a running joke ever since I watched an infomercial, agreed to four easy payments of $29.99, and purchased a Ron Popeil Pasta Maker.
Norb Vonnegut
The New York Times describes my novels as “money porn,” “a red-hot franchise,” and “glittery thrillers about fiscal malfeasance.” Through fiction I explore the dark side of money and the motivations of those who have it, want more, and will steamroll anybody who gets in their way.